The Sorrows of Gin.
why can’t i have a static personality
Lover.mediocrewriter.advocateofbeingwhoeverthefuckyouwantobe
I feel my mental health taking a hard nose-dive, but I don’t know what to do. I cant afford to talk to anyone.
Tbh I’m done being the person people can stomp all over to get their way. I’ve worried my whole life what people think of me and I’m done keeping my mouth shut when someone says or does something that’s out of line. You’re getting called out, sis 👏🏻👏🏻
Does anyone else think it’s weird that we’re just upright-walking, flesh creatures walking around with strips of hair above our eyes? Oh, it’s just me? Ok
Hey, brain, can you just, like stfu up for ten seconds? Thanks
Even though I have a blog about BPD, a lot of people have a lot of doubts about it (about the symptoms, terms, etc). So here is a post about BPD and, please, if you are neurotypical don’t comment “wow I have it” just because you read my post.
FP means, for someone who has BPD, favorite person. It is a term that refers to the person you most idealize, usually it is someone you have romantic feelings for, but it can be a friend, fictional character, someone in your family, etc. Not everyone who has BPD has a FP, but it is something common. Having a FP is not something beautiful and shouldn’t be romantized, your mood starts depending on that person, on the way they talk to you, you have a lot of mental breakdowns when they’re gone and it’s something that puts you in risk, because you’re willing to do basically anything for that person.
Splitting is the action of feeling extremely angry at someone who you usually idealize, for example, your fp (but it doesn’t have to be necessarily your fp). Someone who suffers from BPD usually has black and white thinking or feeling, loving or hating someone, doing something all the time or not at all, basically no harlf term. When someone splits, it means that they were from a extreme to another about their feelings to someone. It can happen for big and important reasons, when someone actually does a serious mistake or it can happen when someone does a “small” mistake and we react extremely, due to BPD hypersensitivity.
That’s what Wikipedia says: “In psychology, dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.”. Dissociation is the match of despersonalization (“Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. Chronic depersonalization refers to depersonalization-derealization disorder, which is classified by the DSM-5 as a dissociative disorder.”) and derealization (“Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.”). Basically, it is feeling like YOU are not real + the WORLD is not real. Okay, I’m not sure about what I’m going to say now, please someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there a lot of dissociative disorders, but in BPD people usually suffer just from dissociative symptoms.
Self-harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, but why? Some people self-harm to relief the pain, a lot of people with BPD also relate they self-harm to feel real during dissociative episodes or to feel something when the emptiness sensations are acting out. For some people, self-harm is when you hurt your body tissue, for example, cutting or scratching yourself, but, personally, in my opinion, thre are different ways or expressing self-harm before it becomes something extreme, for example, starving yourself, triggering yourself, doing something you don’t want to just because you “deserve it”, etc.
I feel like explosive bpd or ‘classic’ bpd I’d ironically less common. I don’t know many people that actually are that cray cray.
I sink into the dirt. It eats my feet. My ankles disappear. My knees fail and I crumple, hands on thighs, eyes gazing straight up to the spinning sky. I wonder if anyone else sees the universe pulsing- feel the weight of the dripping wax walls singeing into skin. It all begins to tumble to my shoulders, burying me alive. Why can no one else see it? How can no one else feel it- the pressure?
L
